14.05.2018

Is He Suitable For You? 9 Personality Traits That You Should Beware Of

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When we like a man, we tend not to notice his shortcomings and pay attention only to his good points. In psychology, this kind of distortion is called selective perception. In order to understand whether a man is suitable for you or not, you should get rid of any illusions and try to see the whole picture.

When arranging your first date, take note of how the man is motivated and whether he really wants to get into a relationship.

Pay attention to the following moments:

-Did he call you at the time you agreed upon? Did he apologize for being late if he got in touch later?
-Does he respect your boundaries?
-Is he ready to adjust to a time and place suitable for you?
-Is he able and ready to agree upon something at all?
-Is he ready to spend his time and money to make an impression on you

The above-mentioned qualities are extremely important in a relationship. If you answered 'no' to every point, then most likely, he's not the man you need and with whom you can be happy. However, if he successfully passed the first test, you can bravely go on a date.

There are some nuances in the behavior of your new acquaintance of which you should be aware if you plan on having a serious relationship with him.

1. He talks about his ex girlfriend a lot. Most likely, his heart is not free yet.

2. He blames his ex wife, parents, friends or boss for his misfortunes. This person hasn't learnt to take responsibility for his own life.

3. He tells you that he has fallen in love fat first sight, promises to introduce you to his parents the next day and arrange a wedding the following month. Most often, this is behavior typical of manipulators.

4. He doesn't say anything specific about himself and answers all your questions about his life very vaguely . Apparently, he has something to hide from you and he's not ready to let you get close. 

5. He talks about himself all the time and doesn't ask anything about you. You feel unimportant. This is how you will feel in your relationship as well. Most likely, he's just a narcissist. 

6. Since your first date, he has showered you with flowers, gotten jealous of your ex husband and the waiter, insisted that you get fired from your job and decided what you should wear on your next date. Obviously, you ran into a psychopath. Run.

7. He's 40 or around 40 and still lives with his mother. He says that his mother is his best friend or that she is very sick. In this situation, you will always be in second place for him. It's up to you to decide whether you need all this or not.

8. He's looking for himself and can't manage to find the answer. At the age of 20, it's quite normal, but at the age of 40, it looks infantile. Most likely, this kind of man isn't ready to build a family.

9. He's an unrecognized genius. And he, too, is looking for himself. No one is able to appreciate his brilliant creativity and he's obliged to borrow money from you to get home by underground. A kidult, narcissist and a gigolo - not the best combination. However, it's naturally up to you to decide.  

No matter how much you like a man, do not ignore the reality and it will give you the answer you need. Pay attention to what actually exists and do not get into illusions. Do not ascribe your new acquaintance qualities that he actually lacks. The other extreme is not to notice all the good a man has. Look around, there are lots of worthy candidates of lovers who are looking for you. Do not doubt it.

Source: practical psychologist, gestalt - practitioner, family consultant Elina Rozina

The material in this article is for informational purposes only and does not replace the advice of a certified specialist.

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