"Can Someone Else Like Me If I Don't Like Myself?" Problems With Self-Esteem And Ways To Solve Them

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Not every woman is naturally self-confident. A woman could be very beautiful, intelligent, and have a great sense of humor, but beautiful women often have an inner voice that criticizes them and reminds them of their shortcomings.  For this reason, they look away when they see an attractive man, are hesitant to speak up about their accomplishments, and feel that others are more deserving, more successful, and prettier than they are. These are signs of low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence.

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Loyalty to Yourself

In order to understand the nature of your psychological problem, consider how your inner critic, which "lives" inside each of us, behaves. Self-image is a reflection of how we see ourselves.

A person who is loyal to himself has the following traits and characteristics:

-a feeling of satisfaction in himself;

-not dependent on the opinions of others;

-a sense of pride in even the smallest achievement;

-no desire to criticize himself;

-high goals and aspirations;


Even during those times when things aren't going exactly according to plan, such people still have a sense of inner peace. Minor problems do not affect the way they view themselves. In other words, they are always in control of their inner critic. They don't let it take over.

People with low self-esteem:

-demand too much of themselves;

-are prone to self-criticism;

-are controlled by what others think;

-constantly find fault with themselves;

-diminish the significance of their achievements;

-are not satisfied with their own physical appearance;

-do not have an objective view of themselves;

-focus on their shortcomings;

-feel they don't deserve a good job, a happy family, etc.

Reasons for Low Self-Esteem

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Self-esteem is the sum of our accomplishments and goals; in other words, what we have achieved and what we dream about achieving. However, even among successful men and women there are those who are unhappy with themselves - their appearance, talents, achievements. And it does not depend on the person's true circumstances; a person sees himself through the prism of his own distorted perception - for example, through the eyes of his ever-dissatisfied and critical mother. Businessmen, scientists, artists, mothers with many children, writers and hairdressers all suffer from low self-esteem. They are used to underestimating the value of their achievements and chase after new goals that they cannot attain. As a result, hundreds of attractive people with striking looks become fixated on their imperfections and become repeat clients of plastic surgeons.

The causes of low self-esteem are based in childhood. When a child is growing up, he trusts adults unconditionally. For example, when a mother tells her son or daughter not to touch a hot pan because of the possibility of getting burned, and the child, out of curiosity, touches it anyway, he or she understands that mother was telling the truth. When the people that a child trusts more than anyone else in the world criticize and correct him instead of praising him, he automatically starts to develop a critical view of himself, and he becomes very demanding of himself.

What Can You Do to Attain Inner Harmony?

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Sometimes people can overcome the problem of low self-esteem all by themselves; however, it is better to seek professional help (a psychologist or psychotherapist) who can get to the root causes of the problem and find the fastest and most comfortable way to solve it.

Before doing this, though, it is best to put forth a little effort and analyze the situation.

1. Listen to the voice of your inner critic, and take note of whether it is male or female. Also, note if it is similar to a voice you often heard when you were a child.

2. Separate your own critical thoughts from those that were imposed on you many years ago by adults.

3. Become a loving and supportive parent yourself.

4. From time to time praise and pamper yourself.

5. Don't ignore your own personal dignity and accomplishments.

6. Know that those close to you love and value you.

7. Analyze the last year of your life, and write on a sheet of paper every accomplishment you can remember.

8. Keep a daily diary of accomplishments in which you write everything that has worked out well. You can write down the attention and compliments you received from someone of the opposite sex.

9. Believe in yourself!

Even if your friends and family didn't lavish you with attention and compliments when you were a child, you can make up for it now by becoming a caring parent. You can gradually make your inner critic more loyal. Your successes and achievements deserve to be noticed and appreciated. As soon as you like yourself, there is no question that others will be drawn to you.

                           Source: Practical psychologist, Gestalt therapist, family counselor Elina Rosina 

This article is purely informative. Do not treat yourself, and in all cases consult a qualified medical professional before using any information presented in this article. The editorial board does not guarantee any results and does not bear any responsibility for harm that may result from using the information stated in this article. 

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